This is my story, about how God revealed himself to me.
I can't remember a moment when God hasn't been present in my life, but I remember moments when I have lived as He wasn't. I was a child, and at the moment I've been aware of the fact that I exist, I knew God is the creator of everything. My beloved grandmother was a believer, and she was the one that has put in me the longing for God for the first time. Then my older sister happened to have a bible, from which she read constantly, and she told me many stories about Him. When I think more closely, I don't have in mind just one single moment in which God revealed Himself to me but there were years when He patiently answered my questions.
The longing of eternity has always been inside me, and I think there is in everyone, fact that is proving we have different roots from the monkeys.
Until I was about 16 years old, it was easy to believe, and faith come almost natural. But as I was growing up, things become more complicated. I've started to have access to all the colors of life, not only the ones from the bubble I was raised in. I was struggling with serious questions determinate by what I lived, read, and saw around. Those questions lasted for years, until I've had full light on them. I couldn't understand many of those rituals at church, and it seems that many people didn't, because their answer was always the same, “we do this or that because this is the way things must be done". Later I've found out that these traditions which are not bad in themselves, have nothing to do with the death and resurrection of Christ, which is the foundation of Christianity and the way to salvation.
The thing that brought up a great light unto my mind and started to clarify many things, was the diffrence between good and bad. I've started to pay attention on how people were living and compare their lives according to their choices. I was observing the wickedness and the goodness of their living and wondering what is determining them to act in a way or other. Doing so, after a while I've noticed how limited is the goodness of people that didn't know God, and how infinite is the love in those people who loved Him. The love of God in a human heart goes beyond the human power.
I would watch those people and see their love, their peace, their joy, the light within them, the attitude they had in the front of all the difficulties of life... they would never lose their hope and peace in hard times even if they were hurting. They were in fact conquerors over the waves of life. I'm not triyng to say that they were perfect, but there was something different in them comparing to those ho did not have God in their life. They were ready to humble themselves whenever they were wrong, and they were always striving to be better people.
So, behind the fact that He was answering my prayers, and saw His word and promisses coming to life, this is how I begun to believe God was real. Yes… by His work and power in those who loved Him, and by His love and power that was given to me.
I've begin to understand that He is like the wind, we cannot see it, but we can see all that it moves.
So after all those fights and questions, the peace came, and He revealed Himself to me in this simple way, in this simple journey of life ...it was like climbing a mountain to see the entire landscape from above. I started to see life with new eyes, and saw the beauty of God and how much He loves me. He created us with a total free will, to chose Him or not... this is why it is not that simple to believe in God, we must search, pray, and also fight against evil. But God has promised :
"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13)
God is beyond religions, beyond a series of rituals that must be respected, God is love and life itself, and only when you embrace His life, you become realy alive, because only then you find out from where your true identity comes from.
I love God in a simple way, and I want that my life and my work to be a reflection of His life in me. I am not perfect, I make mistakes and say wrong things sometimes, but I know how much He transformed my life until now, and I know that "the day we plant a seed is not the day we eat its fruits". He is working in me to fulfil what He has started, to make me more like Christ until that day...when I will meet Him face to face.
Oh, joy! Oh the beauty of His white in me...
Albul din mine
As vrea sa povestesc despre felul cum Dumnezeu mi s-a revelat si mie.
Nu imi amintesc sa fi existat vre-un moment in care Dumnezeu sa nu fi fost prezent in viata mea, dar imi amintesc momente in care am trait ca si cum El nu ar fi fost. Eram copil, si inca din vremea cand mi-am constientizat existenta, am stiut ca Dumnezeu este Creatorul a tot. Bunica mea, care era credincioasa si cu un suflet frumos ca de aur mi-a povestit si mi-a insuflat aceasta nazuinta dupa Dumnezeu. Apoi, cea mai mare dintre surorile mele se intampla sa aiba o Biblie pe care o citea constant si din care imi mai povestea cateodata. Cand stau si ma gandesc nu am in minte doar un moment anume cand am primit o revelatie clara ca Dumnezeu exista, ci au fost fost ani intregi in care El mi s-a revelat in nenumarate randuri, raspunzand treptat la intrebarile si framantarile mele.
Dorul si aspiratia dupa absolut au fost mereu prezente in sufletul meu si cred ca este in toti oamenii, lucru care marturiseste faptul ca radacinile noastre sunt diferite de cele ale maimutelor.
Pana in jurul varstei de 16 ani mi-a fost usor sa cred, venea aproape intr-un mod natural, avand in vedere tot accesul la crestinism pe care il aveam. Lucrurile mai complicate si luptele au aparut mai tarziu cand am inceput sa am acces la toate culorile vietii si incepusem sa am intrebari existentiale serioase determinate de ceea ce traiam, citeam sau vedeam in jur.Intrebarile au durat ani la rand, cu perioade de credinta si necredinta. Citeam carti, citeam si din biblie, il cautam pe Dumnezeu… nu vroiam religie si atat, sau sa cred pur si simplu in ceva, vroiam adevarul. Nu intelegeam multe din ritualurile care se faceau in biserici sau la sarbatori, toate puse pe seama "ca asa se face" dar care nu aveau mai nimic crestinesc in ele. Mai tarziu am aflat ca toate acestea sunt traditii care nu sunt neaparat gresite in sine, dar nu au nimic de a face cu moartea si invierea lui Hristos, care este baza crestinismului si calea spre mantuire.
Ceea ce a adus o claritate mai mare in mintea mea si a inceput sa imi confirme tot mai mult existenta lui Dumnezeu a fost diferenta dintre bine si rau. Am inceput sa compar vietile oamenilor in functie de alegerile pe care le faceau. Observam rautatea dar si bunatatea lor, si ma intrebam ce ii determina sa fie intr-un fel sau altul? Observam binele si raul in general, si ma intrebam de ce e asa...
Dupa o vreme am vazut cat de limitata este bunatatea oamenilor fara Dumnezeu si pana unde poate duce, dar cat de nemarginita este bunatatea oamenilor in viata carora Dumnezeu este prezent. II priveam pe acesti oameni si vedeam masura cu care iubeau, vedeam pacea si bucuria pe care o aveau in orice vreme, ba chiar si in vremuri dificile si de suferinta. Ei erau defapt mai mult decat biruitori peste valurile vietii, si nimic nu parea se le rapeasca nadejdea si pacea, spre deosebire de cei care nu il aveau pe Dumnezeu ca sprijin al vietii lor. Am stiut atunci ca puterea de a trai astfel este o putere supranaturala pe care un om nu o poate avea prin el insusi. Aceasta putere era Dumnezeu.
Dincolo de raspunsurile la rugaciuni, dincolo de faptul ca promisiunile din biblie si cuvantul Lui care sunt vii si se implinesc, frumusetea si puterea pe care o vedeam manifestata in acei oameni m-a facut sa cred ca Dumnezeu este real.
Am inceput sa inteleg ca Dumnezeu este ca vantul, nu il poti vedea, dar poti vedea tot ce misca in jur.
Dupa toate luptele si intrebarile pe care le avusesem, a venit si pacea, si am primit si eu aceasta bucurie de a trai pentru El, aceasta dragoste pe care nici eu nu mi-o pot explica de multe ori. El mi s-a revelat si mie ca intr-o calatorie simpla, ca si cum m-as fi catarat incet pe un munte de unde sa pot vedea intregul peisaj. In felul acesta am ajuns sa cunosc frumusetea Lui Dumnezeu si sa constientizez dragostea Lui din viata mea.
Am fost creati cu o vointa libera sa il alegem pe El sau nu, si de aceea nu este atat de usor sa credem in Dumnezeu... trebuie cautare, rugaciune, dar si lupta impotriva celui rau care intotdeauna v-a incerca sa perverteasca adevarul lui Dumnezeu. Caci e mai usor sa crezi o minciuna pentru ca nu ai impotriviri, decat sa crezi adevarul pentru care se dau lupte reale. Dar dincolo de astea, in biblie exista o promisiune vie :
"Mă veţi căuta, şi Mă veţi găsi dacă Mă veţi căuta cu toată inima." (Ieremia 29:13)
Dumnezeu este dincolo de religie si ritualuri, Dumnezeu este dragostea si viata insasi, si numai atunci cand imbratisezi viata care vine din El, devii cu adevarat viu si tu, pentru ca abia atunci afli care iti este identitatea, de unde vii si icotro te indrepti.
Il iubesc pe Dumnezeu intr-un mod simplu, si imi doresc ca viata si arta pe care o fac sa fie o reflectie a vietii Lui din mine. Nu sunt nici pe departe un om perfect si uneori gresesc, dar faptul ca pot vedea lucrarea Lui in mine si felul cum m-a crescut si mi-a transformat viata pas cu pas, este o minune!
Oh bucurie negraita! Oh frumusetea albului Tau din mine...